Sunday 26 July 2015
Remember......YOU chose him/her: Why you NEED to stay at the very least civil to yo...
Remember......YOU chose him/her: Why you NEED to stay at the very least civil to yo...: This is my very first blog....I aim to be controversial, This is wholly MY opinion, I won't be pulling punches! If you don't like ...
Why you NEED to stay at the very least civil to your ex when you share children
I was married aged 23 years of age. We parted, for various reasons, it didn't work, in the end....'the wheels fell off!'....We had 2 teenage children when we separated, one at school, one at work....both at very vulnerable and impressionable ages.
Breaking the news was always going to be difficult, they took it hard but well....we loved them, we just didn't want to continue living as a family. That day we made a pact...just the two of us.....it's a good job we did, it's been a long and difficult road, but we survived divorce with a friendship intact. Our pact was this....we chose each other to be the parent of our children, we owed it to them and to us, not to allow outsiders to gossip or cause trouble during our non-acrimonious break-up.
You would be surprised at how many people can't cope with 2 people divorcing and staying friends, not just remaining amicable, but actually becoming real good, going out for lunch and dinner - even with new partner....friends. Other people don't understand it, they don't accept it, they don't like it, they even try to cause trouble to disrupt it. You have to build a wall stronger than the Great Wall of China to stop them from breaking through. There were the odd few people that would be amazed and comment, 'i think it's amazing...how great for your children' but, on the whole people think it's weird that my ex-husband and my boyfriend can sit around a table eating and drinking and laughing together with their children....and some extended family don't find it at all acceptable....TOUGH!
It's not weird, or odd...it's important, it's normal, it's necessary, it's adult! All of this 'hating' after divorce is harmful to your children, to yourself and for future relationships. In fact...'who does it help?'...the answer in short, is no-one! YOU chose your EX to be your childs mother/father.....is it now fair to take that out on the child by behaving so irresponsibly that you can't bear to look that person in the face so strongly that you deny your child a relationship with their other parent?
Ask yourself honestly these questions: Are you jealous of that child having a relationship with the other parent maybe? Do you not trust your child to form their own opinions and teach them to make their own judgements? Do you not like to do the same when you meet people? Our children have a lot more savvy than we sometimes give them credit for! Are you witholding the childs relationship with the other parent for punishment? - for something that was done to you? Denying a child access to 2 parents and 4 grandparents unless there is violence or abuse isn't right, just like a child will climb a tree, fall and hurt themselves, so too will they form destructive relationships and they will learn from those too....we can't hide them away from everything, it's a massive learning curve.
Well....this was my first blog, if it upsets anyone, i make no apologies....it's honest, it's from the heart, it's from a controversial blogger....see you soon....maybe xoxo
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